The Full Stack: On agency and choice

Hi pals! Welcome to The Full Stack, where we design a purposeful life through one proven concept each week, along with a practical experiment to bring it to life.

💬 Quote

 🧠 Concept

I grew up — and still live — in a household where behaviors are reactive, and everything is taken as a personal affront. I felt trapped, with no control over the circumstances or even my own reactions.

In desperation, I needed a healthier way forward.

Turns out, I’m far from the first person to struggle with this — people (albeit mostly men whose thoughts were preserved) had wrestled with this since the dawn of society:

Stoicism

Stoicism isn’t, as its name suggests, about suppressing emotions, or avoiding pain.

Ancient philosophers like Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, Epictetus and the likes pondered on how to draw more resilience and inner strength amidst life’s uncertainties.

Their struggles in the pursuit of a good life are surprisingly relatable, even thousands of years later.

• Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor from 161 to 180 AD, wrote a private journal — Meditations filled with reminders to stay calm and focused.
  
  It’s an introspective work that he likely never expected anyone else to read, where he reflected on mortality, virtue, and the inevitability of change. His focus was on knowing and accepting what lies outside our control.

• Seneca, an advisor to Nero, championed the idea of finding clarity and purpose by enduring pain and loss with dignity, and that true wealth comes from valuing one’s inner resources than external riches.

• Epictetus, who was born into slavery, provided the perspective that speaks to me the most: our true freedom is rooted in our ability to choose our responses. No matter what happens, our peace lies in what we can control.

In simple terms, Stoicism has taught me this: while we can’t always choose what happens to us, we can choose how we respond to it.

Our locus of control

This clarity has made things more grounded for me, especially on tough weeks like this one.

Within my control: 

• My effort and goals

• The love I give

• My emotions and responses

• My words and behaviors

• My attitude and mindset

• My principles and values

• My consumption choices

• My boundaries

These are all within my grasp.

Outside my control: 

• Other people’s actions and reactions

• What they think about me

• Other people, in general

• The past, the future, and the passage of time

• Advancements in technology and society (or degradation, actually…)

That said, I’m not perfect at this. I still get triggered by the slightest cues, and worry endlessly about things, including those that are out of my control.

In true ouroboros fashion, I get annoyed at myself for getting annoyed. But even in those moments, I try to see it as part of the process: identifying the pattern, then putting it away.

Maybe that’s the real progress — in being intentional.

Just as stoicism isn’t about eliminating emotions and being perfectly calm, it’s about making peace with the imperfect practice of trying again and again.

You can’t choose when life lobs lemons at you, but you can choose what to make with them. A lemonade? A tart? A lemon meringue pie? 😋 Yum. (Yep, this analogy just ran away from me.)

🧪 Experiment

This week, I want to take a 3-second pause before I outwardly respond to a situation that triggers a strong inward reaction.

I think it’s a great low-effort way to reinforce the presence of choice in how I show up, and before I jump into any knee-jerk reactions.

Experiment retrospective:

• Are there any patterns that I’m noticing?

• Are there certain situations (or people) where pausing feels more difficult than usual?

• What are the stories and mental scripts that I’m telling myself about the initial reactions?

Enjoyed this? Please share it with someone who might too! As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts - just hit reply 🙂 

Cheers,
Jalyn

_{If you’ve reached this far down… I’m committed to bringing new ideas and experiments every week, so if you liked this concept, I’d really appreciate if you would forward this email to someone who might also find it interesting and helpful.}